A couple years ago, included in the price of my Delft-Rotterdam train ticket was an unexpected journey into a dark corner of the Dutch psyche… It’d been raining hard for 2 weeks..
.the fields between Delft and Rotterdam flooding to form one great lake… water stretching to the horizon… which I was finding pretty cool until I noticed the Dutch folk sitting around me, somber and silent, morosely staring out the windows at their worst collective nightmare: The Flood!…And today…behind the Bushmen’s war drum beat is the “Yee-ha! Hot damn!” squeals of Texaco oil execs, jumping up and down on the boardroom table like ecstatic monkeys, chanting, “All ours, Iraqi gas! Shove your electric car up your…beep, beep…
Attacking Iraq’s a fart compared to the Mother of All Floods that’ll hit here someday…1 billion Indians + 1 billion Chinese = one helluva lot of cars…Plop goes another Polar ice sheet… rising sea-levels…rivers overflowing…Oh Hollandia, we’re all going to drown!…3 meters below sea-level where I sit and write… The Green Party nix…we lowland Dutch should be cutting off the US Ambassado’s fingers one-by-one with toe-nail clippers until Bush signs Kyoto…Pompeians below Mt. Vesuvius, the Dutch behind their dikes… I’ve been to soggy Friesland, stood encircled by grass-covered dikes, and felt like a dung beetle inside a green toilet bowl, waiting for The Flush!… And Mother Nature will Flush…plop, glug…Icebergs becoming ice-cubes, lungs filling with water% while scientists say what oil companies pay them to say: don’t worry, be happy…But today’s def jam is It’s gettin’ hot in here!…so shouldn’t the TU give students inflatable boats now, before it’s too late?’…I’ve got one…bought it off the Internet last week…product name, “Noah’s Rubber Dinghy”, which sounds like a Christian sex-toy, I know, but it’s an inflatable raft…for after the Flood…and I bought a stun gun too, to keep you drowning fools from clinging to the sides and taking me down with you!…glug-glug…6.7 meters below sea-level, Holland’s lowest point…So what’s up with this consumptive car culture at 6.7 meters below? Ain’t too smart, boys, no moral high ground to stand on when the daily floods start, when Holland’s Minister is begging Mr. Chin from China not to buy a second car…beep, beep times a billion!… Gettin’ real hot!…
But my Dutch friends say, relax, technology’ll save the day …super dikes…Perhaps, but shouldn’t we invade Belgium just in case?…Perhaps technology will save us, perhaps in 300 years there’ll be a new spin on an old Dutch saying, “God made the earth, but the Dutch made New Atlantisdam!” But if not, it’s www.noahsrubberdinghy.com you’ll want.
.aut David McMullin
A couple years ago, included in the price of my Delft-Rotterdam train ticket was an unexpected journey into a dark corner of the Dutch psyche… It’d been raining hard for 2 weeks…the fields between Delft and Rotterdam flooding to form one great lake… water stretching to the horizon… which I was finding pretty cool until I noticed the Dutch folk sitting around me, somber and silent, morosely staring out the windows at their worst collective nightmare: The Flood!…And today…behind the Bushmen’s war drum beat is the “Yee-ha! Hot damn!” squeals of Texaco oil execs, jumping up and down on the boardroom table like ecstatic monkeys, chanting, “All ours, Iraqi gas! Shove your electric car up your…beep, beep…
Attacking Iraq’s a fart compared to the Mother of All Floods that’ll hit here someday…1 billion Indians + 1 billion Chinese = one helluva lot of cars…Plop goes another Polar ice sheet… rising sea-levels…rivers overflowing…Oh Hollandia, we’re all going to drown!…3 meters below sea-level where I sit and write… The Green Party nix…we lowland Dutch should be cutting off the US Ambassado’s fingers one-by-one with toe-nail clippers until Bush signs Kyoto…Pompeians below Mt. Vesuvius, the Dutch behind their dikes… I’ve been to soggy Friesland, stood encircled by grass-covered dikes, and felt like a dung beetle inside a green toilet bowl, waiting for The Flush!… And Mother Nature will Flush…plop, glug…Icebergs becoming ice-cubes, lungs filling with water% while scientists say what oil companies pay them to say: don’t worry, be happy…But today’s def jam is It’s gettin’ hot in here!…so shouldn’t the TU give students inflatable boats now, before it’s too late?’…I’ve got one…bought it off the Internet last week…product name, “Noah’s Rubber Dinghy”, which sounds like a Christian sex-toy, I know, but it’s an inflatable raft…for after the Flood…and I bought a stun gun too, to keep you drowning fools from clinging to the sides and taking me down with you!…glug-glug…6.7 meters below sea-level, Holland’s lowest point…So what’s up with this consumptive car culture at 6.7 meters below? Ain’t too smart, boys, no moral high ground to stand on when the daily floods start, when Holland’s Minister is begging Mr. Chin from China not to buy a second car…beep, beep times a billion!… Gettin’ real hot!…
But my Dutch friends say, relax, technology’ll save the day …super dikes…Perhaps, but shouldn’t we invade Belgium just in case?…Perhaps technology will save us, perhaps in 300 years there’ll be a new spin on an old Dutch saying, “God made the earth, but the Dutch made New Atlantisdam!” But if not, it’s www.noahsrubberdinghy.com you’ll want.
.aut David McMullin
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