Column: Sex

Proud to be Panda

Being a guy is not easy. Social pressure pushes you to be sexually active all the time. The more girls you score the higher your status among your friends will be. This in total contrast to girls, where more is usually worse, as they risk being portrayed as slutty. Suffering a dry spell as a guy in Delft, where girls can be scarcer than water in a dessert, is a well known source of frustration. A few months without sex is bearable as long as you are not the only one among your group of friends. However, there is one position guys want avoid at all cost: becoming the ‘panda’.

The panda is a well known title among a group of friends to refer to the person who went the longest without having intercourse with a girl. Usually the title sticks for some time, as the more desperate you are for sex, the further the girls will stay away. Why a guy who did not have sex for a long time is being called panda? The answer is obvious, namely that pandas rarely have sex. The species is close to extinction, and yet they show very little interest of getting it on. Most pandas rather prefer to lay around and chew bamboo, than to get up and get busy.

However, if one takes a closer look at the panda sex problem, you might be surprised to learn that contrary to the human species, it is the male panda that shows very little interest in fornicating. To secure the future of the species, scientists have even started trying to increase the male pandas’ libido by showing them video footage of pandas having sex and by doing ‘sexercises’ to train their leg muscles. Despite all efforts male pandas remain very critical in their choice for female pandas to mate with. For all guys carrying the panda title at the moment, this should be an example. Do not give in to the social pressure, but just lay back on the couch, pop a beer and wait for the right girl to come along.